Why I Moved to Hawaii (Part I)
TL;DR — It was a dark time.
Let me explain.
I had a shitty year (as a lot of us did) and the last 6 months before I left for a left were particularly terrible.
Here’s a timeline:
March 2020:
Started a bachelorette yoga business in Nashville.
Nashville got taken down by a tornado.
Quarantine Lockdown Begins.
>>Couldn’t do my tourism-based yoga business<<
May 2020
Left my remote job for another and got fired within 2 days.
(This was a blessing due to the fact I got unemployment).
June 2020 — October 2020
(This was a good part!)
Everything was great! I was on unemployment and I started dating someone which was fun and distracting. I was busy doing a “powerful women” YouTube series and trying to transition my business to life coaching.
Everything was going so well that I went off of the anxiety + depression medication I had been taking the last 8 years.
November 2020
The darkness begins.
The unemployment ran out, and my business income wasn’t enough to financially support me. I got a job bartending; breaking the promise I made to myself to never go back to the service industry. I felt like a piece of my soul had died.
I got COVID soon after starting the job. I was out for over 2 weeks.
Since you do not receive paid time off (PTO) in the service industry, I had no money left, and was worried that I wouldn’t have any money to pay my bills. I called every company for every bill I paid and asked them for extensions. I have always paid all of my bills on time and never had to do this before. It was demoralizing; I felt like a failure.
And most of all, it was really fucking scary. Money issues were the reason I developed anxiety in the first place. The anxiety and insomnia came rushing back into my life. I was laying on my couch, sick with COVID, and paralyzed with anxiety.
December 2020
I broke up with my partner of 7 months. Ugh.
Bombing in Nashville on Christmas Day.
January 2021
Storming of the capital.
Brief reunion with the ex.
Completely stopped my attempt at my life coaching business.
Seasonal. Affective. Depression. SAD.
February 2021
Cue lots of drinking due to breakup and also due to working in the service industry.
Then, on the last day of February, on my way home from work, I got into a car accident. A truck was barreling down a hill, crossed 4 lanes and crashed into the driver’s side of my car. He got out of the car and ran, I got out of the car and stood there alone in the rain, in total shock.
March 2021
The first week after the accident involved my dad driving me to different doctor appointments, and me talking on the phone with police officers, insurance adjusters, and physical therapists. When I wasn’t doing that, I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, strung out on muscle relaxers, thinking: “what the hell am I doing with my life?”
The irony of being crashed into on my way home from work wasn’t lost on me. It was like the universe slamming into me yelling “GTFO!” And honestly, the job or the people weren’t the problem. It was me. I was miserable. I had crazy mood swings and this dark energy inside me that wouldn’t dissipate. I only existed at night. The insomnia, the dark of the winter, the all black uniform I wore, the booze I drank, the 3 hours of daylight I saw… it all culminated in this feeling of black, dark sludge throughout my body.
I started eating healthier, exercising more, and doing kundalini yoga. Spring was rolling in which is always better for my mood, and I figured out how to sleep a little better. But no matter what I did, the darkness would come seeping back in. It never fully went away.
A couple days later, I spoke with friends that were making plans for their upcoming travels. One was going to Costa Rica, one to Hawaii. These locations had been calling out to me for some time now. I let the feeling of these places wash over me and felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I really wanted to go. And, I thought to myself, I really should go.
That same day, my mom said, “you know, your car will probably be totaled.” This hadn’t previously occurred to me. Suddenly, things got a little less dark. In that moment I decided if my car gets totaled, I’m taking the money and going on a trip.
I was at work the day I got the news. My insurance adjuster called and said the car was totaled. I was elated. I ran up to my coworker and told him. He said, “Are you gonna get a new car, or are you gonna take the money and run?” I said, “I think I’m gonna take the money and run.” He smirked and said “that’s the good stuff.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Thanks for reading! More from me at: https://www.thehawaiidiaries.com/
